Bob Johnson, Esq. doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.

Those turtles...mmmm - delicious! You can actually get a turtle burger in the Cayman Islands (very rubbery), but I digress...

Anyway, today's rant is directed at heads of small (call it 3-4 branches) mid-west banks that I used to have to service as a fixed-income trader. Mind you, Bob Johnson, Esq. true identity actually holds an MBA and CFA, as well as close to 10 years of fixed income experience, so he knows a little bit about "good investments" vs. "bad investments". So broker XYZ gets me on a conference call 3 years ago with head of bank ABC and he's full-o piss-n-vinegar. Has to gets some ARMs in his portfolio...as well as IOs and POs (if you have to ask, you don't want to know...). Essentially mortgage-backed securities that should be left to the big boys, not Mr. Podunk Bank-Guy. I go on to explain the characteristics of these things (he was clueless as to what they were), the discussion slides downhill to a point where he proclaims:

"I AM A CPA AND I KNOW HOW TO RUN A BANK AND DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB!"

Whoa. "I am a CPA". I had to contain myself from laughing - indeed, while you are well-equipped to do battle auditing a set of financial statements, I really think you might be over-matched here. Which also led me to think of all the things that CPAs do that have NOTHING to do with what they are trained to do (financial planning, taxes...and well - running banks). Anyway, I'd love to see what that ass-hat is doing with that toxic waste I sold him on an UNSOLICITED basis...

(FWIW - Today's blog title brought to you by http://blog.esaba.com/projects/facts/index.php)